Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Something went really wrong,and I don't know what it is. You ever get that nervous feeling when you dont know what to do anymore, and you don't even know why you're so finicky?  probly no... but i get this way sumtimes... its like, there's sumplace i might need to be, sum1 i'd wanna talk to, sumthing ive forgotten to do, sumthing i shouldn't have done, aaaaaaahhhh , feel like screaming,  but I don't know what,or who,or why or where or how . 
Its just this half-baked sort of feeling, u know.... a sense of incompleteness..... i mean, i know everything's going well with me right now....  but there's something that I can't put my finger on, that's bugging me. Like I just updated in my fcbook status (I have no fucking idea why I bother to do it), i sumhow can't sleep aaj... maybe its tomorrow's anxiety.. probly it is. I just can't sleep, and its doing all sorts of things to my head... i feel so fidgety... i dont wanna lie down,i dont wanna sit up, i dont wanna turn on the lights,i dont wanna be in the dark....  
what the fuck man, why do i have these tiny bouts of uncertainity? 

I think i'm a guy defined or rather undefined by my moods....  everything, absolutely every bloody thing for me depends on my mood...subconsciously or not. my music, my reading, my watching tv, the kind of food i eat, the way i behave ..... and now i'm wondering whether or not to put this write-up on the blog, u know, so people don't think i'm crazy...
doesn't matter though... just a handful read this freaking blog anyway...and they know me well. or so they would think.

i'm no social scientist, and i'm not even sure if that's a valid job, maybe just a make-belief one.... but i was once thinking about this thing, and i figured i should note it down..
people are unhappy. they just are. they always will be. they are bloody unsatisfied too, always yearning for more, for sumthing else, for that greener grass.  have you ever stopped and wondered why? well, being at the crossroads of life that i am, i'm like the stationary milestone who's watching everyone else rush past,absorbed in their own unimportant lives... 
anyhow, the point is... unhappyness is caused by dissatisfaction. It may be from anything.. dissatisfaction is caused by envy. yup, u heard me ENVY . everyone, atleast the mortals, ( laugh, ppl) are envious of something... their neighbours' bigger car, their friends' glam lifestyle, their boss' hot wife ... u get my point, don't you.  
Now don't get me wrong.... its perfectly natural..and true..for everyone of us...and it is this envy, that makes us do what we do. There is always a point or a position in life that we strive to achieve.... its upto us though, the way we do it.
There are two basic approaches to deal with this yearning...

First, you let the envy get hold of you, to the extent of making you unhappy, so you actively work towards your goal. 
Second, you get unhappy, you stay unhappy ... then you make up your mind that ure never gonna achieve that position anyway, and might as well be happy with the bird in hand. THIS, my friend, should finally push you into a state of stability ( if you're an optimist) or Stagnancy( if you think like a pessimist) ....and thus, you will stop trying to struggle, and force yourself to be happy.

Which one is the better path, i find myself thinking... should i continue to be unhappy, and keep struggling to get there? or should i just be happy and chill?  will it make me stable? or will it push me towards stagnancy?
Think about what you wanna do. Of course, for most of us the choice of the approach is inbuilt. as in its in ur genes, if ur a fighter, or if ur a content individual. A subconscious choice, rather. However, if you're one of the few people who can make an effort and choose, then go ahead . Wish you all the love and luck.

I think i need some love and luck too, while i'm talking about it. 
Did i ever tell you ( the "you" being the hypothetical creatures who read this) that i write to vent out? see, i was so unknowingly disturbed just a few minutes ago, and now i feel much more peaceful.... sleep's starting to set in too... I better say bye now... another day, another thought.
I really hope i have a good time tomorrow. 

mwah, love u mohit (self-support)
shut up, i don't mean it the kinky way!

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