I'm sad, pissed off and dissatisfied. With them? With her? With me?
Not too sure at this point of time. I really care a lot more than I'm ready to show. Or maybe I'm just afraid to. Struggling under the weight of self made expectations and counter expectations. Why do I not appreciate what I have and run after what I don't? Perhaps its cuz stagnancy would take over....maybe its cuz we need to strive..... or maybe its just the novelty syndrome......
Its not.You know it, I know it... I've loved being there and expecting the same..... is it wrong not to expect nothing? why then does it seem so incomplete? Is it the ghost of the past rushing to take over again? Is it the breakage of monotony?
There's no point in talking vaguely if you want someone to understand you..... should I stop this post then? maybe I will, sometime.
I lied when I said I love it here..... I lied when I said things are perfect.... This is a lie too, I know, and I want to unbelieve it....maybe it was a gift for absence? Am I rationalizing again? Is it that bad? Its probably not, I probably am. Is this immiscible? I think it is..... why then did I pour out?
I hate the fact that I'm writing this. I hate the fact that I'm not.
I hate the fact that love's here, again. I hate the fact that its not.
I hate the fact that I act crazy. I love the fact that I'm not.