Wednesday, January 26, 2011

nothing

I'm sad, pissed off and dissatisfied. With them? With her? With me?

Not too sure at this point of time. I really care a lot more than I'm ready to show. Or maybe I'm just afraid to. Struggling under the weight of self made expectations and counter expectations. Why do I not appreciate what I have and run after what I don't? Perhaps its cuz stagnancy would take over....maybe its cuz we need to strive..... or maybe its just the novelty syndrome......

Its not.You know it, I know it... I've loved being there and expecting the same..... is it wrong not to expect nothing? why then does it seem so incomplete? Is it the ghost of the past rushing to take over again? Is it the breakage of monotony?

There's no point in talking vaguely if you want someone to understand you..... should I stop this post then? maybe I will, sometime.

I lied when I said I love it here..... I lied when I said things are perfect.... This is a lie too, I know, and I want to unbelieve it....maybe it was a gift for absence? Am I rationalizing again? Is it that bad? Its probably not, I probably am. Is this immiscible? I think it is..... why then did I pour out?

I hate the fact that I'm writing this. I hate the fact that I'm not.
I hate the fact that love's here, again. I hate the fact that its not.
I hate the fact that I act crazy. I love the fact that I'm not.

4 comments:

nil said...

Dude. After I read this, i freaked out. YOU TOTALLY WROTE WHATS BEEN THERE IN MY HEAD for so long.
Heck. I can relate to you man.
I absolutely can!

mohit said...

can I just smile?

Mind Writer! said...

Are you in some kind of mental trauma these days? I am. It's absurd, It's like the confluence of two opposite things... happiness and sadness, success and failure, love and hate, wanting it and not wanting it! It's a horrible feeling and making me so frustrated. Probably you want to blog about it, but can't talk openly about it either! :(

Choco said...

I hate the fact that I act crazy. I love the fact that I'm not. :)

Sometimes it helps to write things down. Helps one gain a perspective. I could not grasp the post entirely. But maybe that is how you meant it to be. Tc. And keep writing. :)