Friday, August 7, 2009

no no no !

Don't you just HATE some stuff from your past cuz it simply refuses to get out of ur head, and possibly ur life?

Everyone has a past... and there's absolutely SO many things i'd like to change about mine...... one in particular... I won't say what..

I met up with a friend yest evening and she happened to mention something related to that particular era of my past..... phir kya tha.... ALL the bloody memories came gushing into my head as though the flood-gate that i've been so desperately trying to close, and keep shut, never existed....

Its funny how I tend to think about the very thing that I tell myself to ignore.....n I don't like it.

Why? Why is it that I still remember everything vividly? Why is it that the sadness associated with it doesn't go away..... why is it that I still feel I should've done better, or something different...when I've had so many discussions about how there was nothing wrong with my actions...

Why am I still thinking about it, when it was mentioned just for a fraction of a second....

I'm sitting in office and all I can think of is what happened then.... there's so much other stuff happening around me and in my life... so many transitions (my next post is gonna be about that probly)... then why does it seem like everything's moving in slow motion all over again?

It's not my fault ! I wish things had turned out differently...I really do.... but it happened...and the tide turned against me..... there was a time when I actually thought I could make things better.... and I kept trying... what I now realise is that I shud've just let it be... "SCREW IT", is what I shud've said..... there were so many events that stemmed from that situation I was in.... I would've been at a totally different juncture of my life right now..... but I'm dealing with it....

I was so dumb, is also what I feel at times..... perhaps it was all fake..... perhaps it was make-belief.... I can't say.... I just DONT want to think about it ever..... I try n make myself angry at the events, so maybe i'll develop a disgust towards it.... but it doesn't work...

Why did my friend mention it again?

Its like I'm screaming out LOUD inside my head....continuously..I hate this.... STOP !

PS: I'm sry , this is too vague...but there are times when I don't know what to do....so I just write.

6 comments:

Mind Writer! said...

It's okay. Sometimes it helps you to let go even if you write about it in a vague way. Sometimes we don't want to recall the past memories because there's something we may be regretting today. I believe this "regretting" feeling is creating all the mess. You have to come up with your own way to let go of those regrets. Either get yourself DISTRACTED or just ACCEPT it.

Though I have no idea what you're talking about so it may be easier for me to say. But as you said... Everyone has a story...

Take care and just live for TODAY!

mohit said...

yea...ur right ...its hard to not be distracted...and equally hard to accept it.... hopefully i'll get over it again ;)

Rane (The Orchid with All Shades Pink) said...

Mohit,

trsut me you did a lot of good to yourself by writing this..and there is nothing like the feeling you get after writing your heart out..

God bless
Rane

mohit said...

true ! i actually DID feel better after writing...and that was the whole point !

rifa said...

hi mohit...
i joined today..
nd u write really well..keep up d gud wrk!!

divsi said...

its happened wid me too:( sum memories gush down frm nower n make u mad within minutes..
the key is indifference i feel..i ve tried it...it works!
nothin betta than lettin go!