Back...again

Well hello hello...look who's here again.

Actually that's something people who've read my blog earlier should be saying!

So yes, I've finally decided to start writing again....but this time, I have a different reason to.
I'm now a little more grown up, full of ambition and enthusiasm (and shit scared too) about what the immediate future holds for me.

To sum up, I'm working in a multi national IT firm, posted abroad. I love it! Finally I have been given a role that I love doing and can make a difference in.
However, it's now time for me to move on to bigger things. I've decided to do an MBA.

Yeah, I know its hyped and its what everyone does...but hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I'm going to use this platform to keep a tab on my search for the perfect MBA college....and my efforts to get there.
Wish me luck :)

Change

I know its been a long time since I wrote, yet again, but there's so much happening that I just had to get back here.

However, I'm not as comfortable with this blog as I used to be..... too many unwanted readers make me cautious and conscious about what I write.

Vague is not what I want to be anymore. I'm starting afresh. I no longer justify the title of this blog. What I need is to write my heart out, without worrying about the reaction or judgement. I'm sick of cribbing and making it seem like everything sucks. It doesn't.I don't want to be politically correct anymore. Its my blog, this is what I do here...speak out.

No can do. I want out.

I do miss being a part of a lot of your blogs and vice versa...so I'll be personally giving out the new URL to you.(You know who you are, don't you) (too many 'you's !)

Take care....loved having you here :D

Mohit

insecure?

Do you ever think you know yourself? Do you ever feel there's a lot more to explore? Do you ever feel scared and try to take refuge in noise?

I'm not too cool right now..... nor do I feel it.... you would think I come here to sulk and while away inadequacies..... maybe its true... maybe its not.

I'm not good enough to be a professional here, I'm not hot enough to be cool.....I read this and feel like a teenage girl with acne before a party.... but I'm none of those.

Its just that there are worlds unexplored, emotions unsaid...... and even though we try to make things easier by getting psyched, I don't know what the other end's thinking.....

I love the curiosity of what's going to happen.... I hate the helplessness of now.....Its time to be a friend, but aren't there more than enough already? That just leaves acquaintance and random calls from afar....

You'd read this and go blank maybe.... speak to me now and you'll know exactly where the dots connect.....

Don't let it change, please.......then again, it already did..... maybe it'll be easier this way.

nothing

I'm sad, pissed off and dissatisfied. With them? With her? With me?

Not too sure at this point of time. I really care a lot more than I'm ready to show. Or maybe I'm just afraid to. Struggling under the weight of self made expectations and counter expectations. Why do I not appreciate what I have and run after what I don't? Perhaps its cuz stagnancy would take over....maybe its cuz we need to strive..... or maybe its just the novelty syndrome......

Its not.You know it, I know it... I've loved being there and expecting the same..... is it wrong not to expect nothing? why then does it seem so incomplete? Is it the ghost of the past rushing to take over again? Is it the breakage of monotony?

There's no point in talking vaguely if you want someone to understand you..... should I stop this post then? maybe I will, sometime.

I lied when I said I love it here..... I lied when I said things are perfect.... This is a lie too, I know, and I want to unbelieve it....maybe it was a gift for absence? Am I rationalizing again? Is it that bad? Its probably not, I probably am. Is this immiscible? I think it is..... why then did I pour out?

I hate the fact that I'm writing this. I hate the fact that I'm not.
I hate the fact that love's here, again. I hate the fact that its not.
I hate the fact that I act crazy. I love the fact that I'm not.

Here's the deal with God

'Me' is an extremely dynamic word. Its true, because I am.
More so, my thoughts are. I've seen it so many times, there's some sort of a predictive uncertainty in me and what I want.

I used to be a person afraid of my past. I'm not any longer. There are events in the past that we would like to forget, or not think about.....but it doesn't work that way.
I was reading another blog post, which hinted that the present (and the future) are built on the past. I agree.

Heck, if it wasnt for the past, we wouldnt have been ourselves today (good or bad, doesnt matter here)
If I hadn't got into biology in school, I wouldnt have met some of my best friends today !

So like I said once, I have a customized belief in God.
I do not think God has a form. I do not think he intended us to worship. I do not think he wanted religions to exist and demolish our society.
There probably is someone up there, but its a shapeless, limitless source of energy.
I don't think destiny was meant to be what we take it as. Perhaps this 'God' wound a key into this world and let events happen by themselves (was that key the big bang? I don't know)
Yeah, I really don't mind people following their own form of 'divinity', but what sucks is that the water goes over our heads so many damn times !

Perhaps humanity just needs the thread of belief to hang onto.....but I would rather hang onto Faith and Love.


PS: No offence to anyone, this is personal opinion.

Random updates from a lost blogger

Hey guys.... been a long time, again. There are absolutely soo many things I wanna write about, that its not funny !!

For starters, a Happy New Year to all !! I wish that you see the light this year :)

Part 1

So lets rewind a bit and start from November. I did something that i've wanted to do for sooooo long....I bought an iPhone 4 !!
:D :D
You won't believe, when I bought it, I was happier than the time I got my first gf ! I couldnt wait to check it out, explore its features, touch it .....does seem intimate, doesnt it?
:P
I was grinning the entire way home..... !!

but every positive has a negative.... buying the iPhone affected my health in a negative way...how? you might ask.....
well, I would wake up every morning as usual, but not go to the gym and play with the phone !
my flatmates have started referring to it as Mrs. Luthur ....and honestly, I did too :P

Part 2

Then came december, and I finallyyy did another thing that I'd wanted...I got a tattoo ! Most of you dont know this, but I'd selected the design waaay back in the stone age, when orkut was as popular as facebook is now...... Its a phoenix, and I kinda have an emotional connection to the design.... I like to think that I follow the 'way of the phoenix' :P
Do this... if you wanna check it out, come to my facebook page...its the dp (for now)

Part 3

I went home !!!!!
I took a leave of like 12 days in the last week of dec and flew back to gurgaon.....after a whole bloody year !
and you know what I realized? it sucks that I'm here so far away !!
But yeah, that might also be the holiday mood that's still not let go of me ;)

Part 4

My resolution for 2010, to be a teetotaler turned out to be a success...... I did it ! And exactly after 12, I had my first shot ...after a year !
To top it, the person I had it with is also pretty awesome, so all the more reason to wooohooo!!

Honestly, people could read this this and go...wow, that must have taken some will to complete..... but I don't really think so....the real hard thing is quitting smoking .... and since I know someone who's trying and can't be there to personally help out, I hope the best for her !!

Part 5

Then again, there's things that aren't meant to be on a blog..right now... relationships to be exact.... but there's some confusion right now, and I hope I can work it out
:)

that's today's post...now you know how bored I am at work ;)

Love you guys
:D

Post Diwali post

Helo again, everyone... been a long time, I know.....kya karta, just haven't felt the urge to write ... Sry, haven't visited your pages lately, but I did want to catch up with you, so here I am.

First off, a belated Happy Diwali to everyone...hope you guys had a 'blast' (no, I'm anti-crackers).

Secondly, this is the 100th post....this blog has seen me through some tough times...so woohooo !

A lots been happening these days....and I find myself a changed guy at times...perhaps its just what being 'on your own' does to you.

1) I've left behind a few people.... and slowly I've gotten over that fact and don't miss 'em anymore

2) For the last couple of years, I've been in transition between being a boy and a Man...I'm not sure if the transition is complete, or when it will be, but yes, I can see a light ahead (no sexual connotations intended)

3) My search for discovering who I am has temporarily been suspended...primarily because I'm in a comfy place and wasn't really getting anywhere near to a conclusion.

4) Because I'm in a comfy place, I feel I'm getting lazy. Yes, I reprimand myself for not doing anything significantly amazing with my life, yet, but putting it off till next year seems the easier option. So yeah.. LAZY

5) I've managed to keep up my resolution of going alcohol-free in 2010. Not a drop of 'happiness' consumed since Jan. I am, however, really confused about whether to start drinking again from 2011.
On one side, its fun, socially 'cool' and in a way liberates the more 'in your face' Mohit.
On the other side, they say its better for health if you don't drink, it's the 'less traveled' road and its not like I'm craving for booze anymore.

Anyway, lets see what the new year brings.

6) I'm also confused about romance (I'm sure everyone is).... its the one question again...what do I spend my time on? A career or a relationship? Yeah yeah, I can do both together, but doesn't that mean giving half the time and attention to either one, than it deserves? Dunno.... guess I'll figure it out along the way...not like I'm going anywhere soon

7) I'm sure you're thinking about how hazily I'm writing about things.... but I have to... like I said, there's some ppl who read this that I don't want to blabber to.... going anonymous isn't a fun idea either, cuz it means losing out on my blogsville friends...which I certainly don't want. So this is how it is till then.

8) I feel ppl at work believe me to be better than I really am at things. I don't want to let anyone down.....will just need to work hard, I guess. I feel like a politician, while I'm writing this, giving ppl a vision for the time ahead but bummed out about actually having to do all that stuff

9) There's also a lot a things you can always learn from others. Always. Take debating, for example.... I've mostly been a nonchalant kinda person, hardly taking time out to debate over stuff like politics, religion and faith..... but living here, I kinda like doing that now (well, not politics really)

10) I have my own, customized belief in god.... will talk more about that, some other time.

C ya